Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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