The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
