apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
