oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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