I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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