i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No subtext here. People are naked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
