Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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