i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
