I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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