the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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