If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
