Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
