She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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