we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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