Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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