and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
