you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize