i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
