he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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