you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
