We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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