A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
