You can't motorboat a personality
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
