and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
