I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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