Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
