Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
be right there i have to get my cape
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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