the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
