Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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