i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
