I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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