He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize