1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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