a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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