I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize