Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's shark week go big or go home
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
