tell your sister to shave her snatch
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
