We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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