well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
