i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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