I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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