Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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