Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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