Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
