im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
