Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
