is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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