Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
