erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
be right there i have to get my cape
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
