Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
