We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
