remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
