we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's like iHOP with fire
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
