I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
