Duck Duck Cougar?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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