We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
