this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
