Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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