I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
