well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
