i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
