Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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