that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
