So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize