I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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