i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
