I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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