I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize