I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
