plz talk dirty to me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
