i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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