I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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