What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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