i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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