I wanna passion pit in your ass
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Welp...herpes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
