No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
