some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize