Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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