i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
