Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
