I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
