I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize