I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
