Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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