so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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