I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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