If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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