i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
