I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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