Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize