Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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