I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
