i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
