I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
