i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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