A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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