You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
