thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
