u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
People in love make me want to vomit
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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