Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
