That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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