There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love having hate sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
