Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
