so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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