i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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