Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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