you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
