it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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