Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize