dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
