can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
