I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize