but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
